Colby Cheez-its

Cheetos Mighty Zingers

Every once in a while, a new product comes along that either looks or sounds absolutely disgusting, but then surprises us in how tasty it actually is.  Is this one of those products?  Well, kind of.  Cheetos are bordering on cult status in that we all know they're unhealthy and exponentially artificial, yet there is still a strong contingent of huge Cheetos fans out there.  Call it nostalgia.  Call it smart, progressive marketing.  Who knows?  But my point is that for some people, this new product might look and sound completely appealing.

For the rest of us, we'd be quite shocked.  But guess what?  They're pretty darn tasty!!  Surprisingly so.  I tried the "Ragin Cajun & Tangy Ranch" flavor and I believe the secret is in the yin/yang, cool/hot combo.  It's perfect.  Two flavors of little Cheetos nuggets in the same bag - the zesty kick of the cajun followed by the calming cool of the ranch.  Your palate thanks you.  Your cheese-dust covered hand still glares at you and says WTF, dude!?  But it's worth it.

2010 - New reviews coming...

I know it's been a while but there are new reviews on the way, both video and written.  Some very interesting new products.  Stay tuned... 
- Pappy

Haagen-Dazs FIVE

Well, well, well... what have we here?

Ice Cream. Love it.

The big H-D has come up with yet another new slant. The gimmick here, as it's clearly stated on the front of the carton, is that there are only FIVE ingredients. There are 7 different flavors, each sharing 4 of the same ingredients: Milk, Cream, Sugar and Eggs. The 5th ingredient is what distinguishes each flavor from the others - passion fruit, mint, brown sugar, chocolate, vanilla bean, coffee and ginger.

OK, so I can't speak to 6 of the flavors, but who cares? The passion fruit is the only one that sounded interesting enough to try. The ginger sounded interesting, but only in an experimental sort of way. The brown sugar probably has serious potential, but I would need to be in the perfect mood for that type of flavor AND it better not have a sandy, grainy texture or I'm out. BUT, the passion fruit was exquisite. The combination of the fruity flavor of a passion fruit sorbet with the rich, white creamy texture of a sweet-cream ice cream was both unique and gratifying. The experience is hard to describe but let's just say it fools you a bit in that it tastes different than it looks. There definitely is a tinge of purity that can be tasted and the quality is high enough that it makes it well worth the price. Speaking of price, thankfully Haagen-Dazs kept these pints at the same price point as their regular flavors and didn't try to claim some "Premium" price baloney like they did on those Private Reserve flavors.

All in all, I usually do prefer a little crunch in my ice cream but for those people who don't, this new line will be right up your alley. Pure, 5-ingredient goodness.

Budweiser American Ale

Organic Batter Blaster

Everything's cool about this product except the results. Cool name; cool concept; they even went the trendy "organic" route. And the execution works pretty flawlessly - the only real problem? - the Taste. I know, pretty important factor, right? Um, yeah.

So, it makes pancake-making considerably easier in the morning and it's kind of fun to squirt pancake batter out of a whipped-cream can. When you shake it up and squirt some in the pan, it is initially pretty fluffy, like whipped cream, but quickly settles down into a regular circle of batter. Problem is, it settles down TOO much. These things are not very fluffy at all. It seems like they could have used a little more leavening agent in the recipe. The ones I make from the standard Aunt Jemima powder mix are way fluffier. And the final verdict... they taste a little funny. I ate them but they definitely have a funny taste. I'm not sure if it's the result of the pressurized can or the preservatives or what, but there's something just a little bit off. Maybe it would be better in a waffle maker - perhaps I'll test that next. I think they're okay if you're really needing the convenience factor. But for everyday use, I'd recommend sticking with more traditional batter strategies.

Eggo Bake Shop 'Swirlz'

Welcome to the new Pappy's Products in HD!... (sort of). Well at least it's in 16:9 wide screen. We have entered the world of true high definition and the original versions of these new Hi-Def episodes look GREAT. Unfortunately YouTube is still having trouble processing these well so below is actually a tad below true HD quality, but still pretty good. This will improve eventually. For now, enjoy another appearance by Mini-Pappy (and the 'debut' of Tiny-Pappy)...

Sweet & Salty Caramel Bugles

Ahhh... Bugles. Wow. Where have you been all my life? Yes, Bugles are one of the least talked about and dare I say, MOST underrated snack foods of all time. Who doesn't love a Bugle? Don't tell me if you're at a party and there is a bowl of chips, a bowl of pretzels and a bowl of Bugles that you're not going for the Bugles EACH and EVERY time. You are. You absolutely are! And you know you are so don't even try to debate me on this.

However... Caramel Bugles?? Bugles are corn chips, right? Okay, so they're not "chips" so much as they are "cones." But they're corn cones, correct? Correct. So what if I told you I had some caramel Fritos for you to try? Sounds pretty gross, right? Caramel Tostitos? Pass. But Caramel Bugles? Hmmm... something about it sounds like it may work.

And you know what? It DOES work. Not only does it work, but it works with utmost awsomeness. Wow, does it ever work! What a treat these things are - sweet & salty, just like it says (but mostly sweet). They are not just caramel flavored, but caramel coated - but in a GOOD way. It's a light caramel glaze, rather than a thick caramel smothering.

Yes, the sweetness can get to you by the end of the bag, but they are not intended to be chowed down like a regular snack. They are somewhere in between a snack and a candy/dessert. Would be perfect to munch on in the movies, when you can't decide if you're in the mood for salty popcorn or sweet milk duds... Caramel Bugles are your answer - the best of both worlds. Solid "A"

Taco Bell Volcano Taco

Unbelievable. Taco Bell just marches on with this new product madness - no shame at all. I suppose we should not be surprised anymore and just accept it and expect it. From this point forward, you can count on me reviewing every new T-Bell item that they concoct, which seems like it will be a weekly segment here on Pappy's Products.

So let's get to it - the "Volcano Taco." First of all - I like the name. It instantly tells you this is not going to be for the mild-mannered taste buds. And in case you weren't sure that this was a spicy item, they went ahead and threw it into a RED shell. And don't kid yourself into thinking this is some gourmet, tomato-tortilla thingy - it's just a regular taco shell with some red dye #5.

Well, they kept with the naming convention by advertising that the volcano taco has "Hot Lava Sauce." This is where the zest comes from - it's spicy cheese sauce. It seems like they just mixed the Taco Bell nacho cheese sauce with their hot sauce.

And then the rest of it is just a regular taco. So here's the breakdown - a regular taco with spicy cheese sauce in a red shell. I will say this - it IS Spicy. It's hotter than you'd expect from Taco Bell, but still not as hot as some real alarm ringers in authentic Mexican eateries. And here's the best part: it's only 89 Cents!!! Can't really argue with that.

Final assesment - Nothing too special going on here but I do recommend as a nice mix-up to your order if you're going to get 2 or 3 tacos to make one of them the Volcano for a little variety. It's a nice taste and you won't have to shell out any more pesos for it.

Mountain Dew "Supernova"

Okay, I need to come up with a term to use to describe these products with flavor names that tell you nothing about what it's going to taste like. Any Pappy's Products fan knows how I'm a sucker for any product that falls into this ridiculous category but it's getting a little old to just keep typing "products with flavor names that tell you nothing about what it's going to taste like." Feel free to suggest any creative terms you come up with. I'll have to create a hall of fame for this category.

So... what cracks me up about this drink (other than the name) is the fact that Mountain Dew decided to diversify and add different flavors. My question is, "Doesn't that make it something different than 'Mountain Dew?'" To me, Mountain Dew is one of those drinks that has a unique flavor that makes it what it is. It takes me back to my childhood summers when I was rolling in giant tires and swinging off ropes into lakes. Okay, maybe I didn't do those things, but the commercials made me feel like doing them when I drank the Dew.

Anyway, Mountain Dew, is, well "Dew" flavored. I guess officially it's some type of citrus. But it's unique. I love new flavors and varieties of things but this one I don't get. They describe "supernova" on their website as being "purple berry, melon and ginseng" flavored. HUH? Yup, you're guess is as good as mine. But my point is, as soon as Mountain Dew starts changing their flavors to cherry, orange, sour grape, "purple berry," supernova, arctic burst, kryptonite ice (yes, that's a real one), voltage, or blue shock... it is no longer Mountain Dew.

On a scale of 1 to 5, this one's getting a big, strong D+

DOTS 'Elements'

You know, with all of the funky and fancy candies out there, I was a bit surprised to see the old school, straight-laced 'DOTS' be the one to step it up in recent years with big makeovers and daring new varietal ventures. In recent years, they've introduced, tropical, sour and even yogurt versions of the classic gum drop candies. All worthy entrants.

But this one may just be going a little too far. I'm all for thinking outside the box, but DOTS 'Elements' are WAY outside - I mean, literally, "outside" in the elements - Earth, Wind, Fire and Water.

You can probably guess what flavor the Fire is - it's cinnamon. The other 3? Good luck. Pappy's Products has always been fascinated by flavor names that give NO hint as to what they actually taste like. So here you are: Air=Wintergreen, Water=Green Tea, Earth=Pomegranate. Whatever.

I tried the Air and Earth. The Air was okay - minty. But after a few of them it was too minty. Good for freshening your breath but I wouldn't be able to finish a box of them in the movie theatre. The Earth were actually pretty tasty although I'm not sure why Earth equates to Pomegranate (??). Oh, and by the way, they didn't taste like pomegranate either. They just tasted like a generic, sweet, dark, berry candy flavor. Could have been raspberry, blackberry or black cherry and I wouldn't have questioned it.

But they were pretty good. I liked 'em. But the one other fatal flaw in this new line of DOTS is that there is only one flavor in each box. Perhaps a little too hi-brow for their own good. The mix of flavors in the other original DOTS varieties is definitely the better way to go.

Eggo Choco-Nilla Flip Flop

I guess they were going for that "Black & White Cookie" effect here. You know, the big cookies you get at the deli that they debated over on Seinfeld? Yeah, the Black & White cookie. So here is the "Black & White Waffle."

Well, interesting, I suppose. I do love variety in foods so this item did pique my interest at first glance. What I found intriguing was that Eggo never had a chocolate waffle entry prior to this so it's not like they just decided to combine two of their flavors. This is their first entry into the chocolate waffle ring.

The chocolate part is good - it's very rich and very sweet. You feel guilty eating it for breakfast. For some strange reason the chocolate part is a bit soft though, even in its frozen state. What I mean by that is that it doesn't hold its shape as it cooks in the toaster - it sort of bends and flops down as it heats up. AS for the vanilla side? Well, this is just flat-out false advertising in my opinion. This is not "vanilla." It is just a regular, plain Eggo waffle. So they shouldn't have called them Choco-Nilla waffles, but rather Choco-Plain instead. I realize that doesn't sound quite as enticing, but still.

Bottom line - they're just not right for breakfast. I'd rather have a couple original or buttermilk or even blueberry waffles. What Eggo should have done is forget the half & half thing and just introduce a full-on "Chocolate Waffle." It could have been the headliner in a new line of "Dessert Waffles." One of these chocolate waffles warmed up with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top would be divine.

Planters Kettle Roasted Peanuts

Is "Kettle" the new "Baked?" A while back, the latest trend in snack foods was to make a "baked" version of everything. Now, I'm wondering if they'll just start chucking everything into a Kettle for a new variety.

What does it mean, you ask?

Well, previously, we really only associated the Kettle with 'Kettle Corn,' popcorn that somehow becomes sweet when popped inside a big kettle. (okay, I guess they throw some sugar in there or something. I haven't done the research.) So my first thought was, "Hmm, are these just going to be peanuts dusted with a light, sweet coating, like Kettle Corn?" But the flavors tipped me off that this was NOT going to be the case. Planters offers these in Ranch, Salted, and Honey BBQ, three flavors that hardly infer sweetness.

And then, I remembered. There has been one other entry into the kettle realm - the kettle cooked potato chips! Of course, how I could I have forgotten? And therein lies the catch with these nuts - the Kettle cooking makes them... ready?... wait for it... here it is... Extra CRUNCHY!

Wow, what a breakthrough - Extra Crunchy Peanuts. Admit it, almost every time you've ever eaten peanuts in your life, as much as you may like peanuts, you always thought, "you know, if only these peanuts could be a bit CRUNCHIER, they'd be way better."

Well, all joking aside, they actually ARE a bit crunchier. I tried the Ranch and Honey BBQ, and have to admit, they're a bit addictive, especially with a cold Coors Light. I only wonder what might be on the horizon for the inevitable wave of "kettle foods" that's about to hit - Kettle Pretzels? Kettle Granola Bars? Kettle Cookies? Kettle Ice Cream? (I'm sure Ben & Jerry could figure out a way)

Anyway, 4 out of 5 Stars for Planter's Kettle Roasted Peanuts.

Taco Bell "Melts"

How many times can Taco Bell keep introducing the same menu items over and over again as "new" products, just because they give them a new name?

Well, apparently, at least one more time (and probably more).

But they're getting a little lazy in the creativity department at this point. Usually they come up with some cool name that sounds like some authentic Mexican novelty, but is really just a made-up word that they concocted (i.e. Enchirito, Meximelt, Crunchwrap Supreme).

This time they just went with... "Melts." Simple and straightforward, I suppose, but personally, I'm a little disappointed in the lack of effort here. And to even claim that this is some new item? It's chicken, various cheeses, some grilled veggies and some kind of zesty sauce all rolled up in a tortilla. I guess the grilled veggies is slightly unique, giving it sort of a fajita feel. But when I ate it, it was pretty much the same thing as 5 or 6 other things on their menu and numerous specialty items from the past - just a rolled up cheesy, melty thing... and delicious. I give it a B+ but don't expect to see it on the menu by the end of the year.

Burger King - Loaded Steakhouse Burger

The picture you are looking at to the left is actually the REGULAR Steakhouse Burger, which includes lettuce and tomato. But there is also a LOADED Steakhouse Burger that sheds the lettuce and tomato and adds in bacon and "loaded" mashed potatoes.

I say, why divide the goodness? I like the crispiness of lettuce and tomato on my burgers but the loaded mashed potatoes on top of a steak burger is just awesome. I know it sounds disgusting but it's actually good. What makes the potatoes "loaded" is that they have a ton of butter in them and chives, I guess. Maybe they whip some sour cream into them too, but it's hard to tell.

If you feel like you've got some artery clogging to spare, try one of these (when you're really hungry), but order the "Loaded" version, tell them to hold the bacon, and add in tomato and lettuce. If they charge you an extra $0.75 it's worth it.

Two New Ice Creams - Two Quick Reviews!!

Haagen-Dazs 'Toasted Coconut Sesame Brittle'
I had such high hopes for this one. I love ice cream; I love sweet coconut stuff; and I love brittle/toffee crunchy things. But this one did not deliver. This was the runner-up (to Sticky Toffee Pudding) in the 2007 Flavor challenge. I had been waiting to see this go on sale before I tried it because I refuse to pay $5 for a pint of ice cream and I denounce Haagen-Dazs for trying to pull off the special edition "Reserve Flavors" thing that supposedly warrants a more premium price than their already overpriced pints. So I bought one the other day when they were on sale for $3.99. Anyway, I'll sum it up in one statement: There's no brittle! There's coconut blended in and the sweet cream flavor is good, but there were only remnants of sesame seeds and slight gooey toffee drops. I was expecting crunchy, sesame, toffee pieces. The carton makes it seem like big hunks of Almond Roca are going to be hidden in there but it was not to be.

Ben & Jerry's 'Imagine Whirled Peace'
There is a John Lennon tie-in with this one, but who really cares. How does it taste? Good! I give this one 4 out of 5 stars. The caramel & sweet cream ice creams are a dynamite blend and they fold in chocolate peace signs (whatever) and toffee cookie pieces (fantastic). Give this one a shot. I am a sucker for any ice cream with cookies (not cookie dough) in it (except oreos).

Snapple - Blueberry Iced Tea

Yes. This is a fantastic, obvious and overdue addition to the Snapple family. The new Blueberry Iced Tea tastes exactly like what you'd expect it to. It's not too sweet but just sweet enough to give you that yummy kick that you love from fruity iced teas.

Also, I like that this is a Snapple product because it is nicely blended, pasteurized, homogenized, sodomized... whatever the hell they do to it to make sure it's just a cleanly produced, crisply blended, filtered and perfectly balanced beverage. You know, as opposed to those local, natural brands of drink that often have "__ Farms" in their name, and they taste like somebody dropped a handful of blueberries into a bottle of bitter iced tea, nothing is mixed up properly and there's a weird "dusty fruit nectar residue" coating the bottom of the bottle like that green scum that builds up on the surface of a stagnant New England pond.

I'm sure Snapple already has the trendy "antioxidant" follow-ups lined up in their queue and we'll be seeing the release of "Pomegranate Iced Tea" and "Acai Iced Tea" very soon. Regardless, this one is good and you should give it a try.

Domino's Philly Cheese Steak Pizza

This one has to be near the top of the list of "Two great tastes that DON'T taste great together." Who was the insightful menu exec. at Domino's who thought the American public wanted this? A Philly Cheese Steak sandwich dumped on top of a pizza crust? I will say this: it tastes OK. But it's definitely weird. Check out the tasting session as Pappy's Products celebrates its 100th video episode!

Froot Loops Straws

Well, I can really only recommend this item if you have trouble getting your kids to drink milk. But they are kind of fun to play around with. Since this is a breakfast item (sort of), we pretty much rolled out of bed and did this episode at the breakfast table. So check out the tasting session, featuring the long-awaited debut of mini-Pappy!

Yogo Rollers

These things are just weird. (Yet fun & yummy) But they're hardly "fruit." If you want real fruit rolls, I recommend the Archer Farms brand from Target - they're all natural and all fruit. These things are basically just candy. Check out the video from the tasting session.